Women in Power

Friday I ran across an article about an interesting woman in power.  Technically it was just a brief interview with Diana Tremblay, the VP of Manufacturing and Labor Relations at General Motors, but one thing she said really stuck with me; which also happened to be the main point the article seems to be drawing attention to as well.  Diana said:

I have never felt that I was given an opportunity solely because I was a woman, but I also know that it helped at times because it made me unique. 

I don't know if I can say the same for myself.  It's a question I was wondering a lot last year as I was trying to figure out what to do after graduation.  I was finishing my bachelor's and master's at the same time, working on my master's thesis, looking for a job, and working 24-32 hours a week.

My undergraduate degree is closely tied to the construction industry, an industry that was not doing so hot last year, and I wasn't getting a lot of call backs for interviews.  I finally asked the company I worked for about a job and originally they mentioned relocation to an operating unit in the Carolinas to do renewables.  The boyfriend was upset ("why can't you find a job here where I am?")  so I kept looking around.  Another month later my company asked me if I'd ever considered going to school for my Ph.D.  It wasn't something I'd ever considered before, Dr. KB?  I don't know.  But I didn't seem to have a whole lot of other options.  Fast forward a couple of months and I am looking around universities for a research group to work with for my doctorate.

Many days that summer I wondered if the opportunity I was given was because I was a female.  My company has mostly undergraduate co-op students and they have a strict policy about only hiring those with at least a master's degree, though everyone they'd hired in the last four years had their doctorate.  I was an intern (not a co-op) who was just supposed to be there for one summer.  On my last day one of my projects wasn't done and my project team asked the director if I could stay.  The director talked to the VP of the division and my internship was extended indefinitely.  Why did they let me stay?  Maybe because I was providing support for a lot of projects, maybe because I was cheap to pay (who needs money when you're in school?), or maybe it was because I was close-by compared to the other co-ops from Madison.

It's a question I've never voiced out loud, perhaps because I'm scared of what the answer will be.  Some days at work I feel on top of the world: I'm accomplishing mini-projects left and right, I feel helpful, I feel like I'm contributing, I'm pulling my own weight.  It's those days where I feel like anything I've achieved is because of my own merit, not because another female engineer was needed.  Then there are the days where my stuff deforms, my coating fails, I spend too much time on a task because I can't figure out something simple. It's those days where I question why I am where I am.  It also makes me wonder, am I the only one who feels this way?

I wonder if young engineers (male or female) who are just starting their careers feel the same way occasionally.  A combination of "I don't know enough!" and "I taught my co-workers something new!"

I think I'm going to put "work on self-esteem" for my New Year's Resolutions list.