Driving

Last weekend I received a text message from my little brother.  Mom just got stopped by the CITY cops for running a stop light.  A follow up text came a few minutes later.  She is very upset and crying.  I was 350 miles away and had laryngitis.

It had started raining while she was at Curves.  Normally Mom won't drive if the weather is inclement  but this started out of the blue and she decided to try to get home by herself instead of calling for help (she didn't have a phone with her anyway).

Here the story gets jumbled.

She ran a stop light. / It was hard to see in the rain. / She turned the wrong way down a street. / A semi had to slam on its brakes to avoid hitting her. / A woman said she (mom) almost hit her./ The police followed her for a while before finally pulling her over. / The police told her not to drive any more and gave her license to Dad instead. / The police didn't say anything. / This was the second incident this year. / This was the fourth incident this year.

The disease is obviously getting worse.  She can't drive at night, she can't drive in poor weather, she can't really drive in perfect weather.  The littlest change confuses her.  I've heard three different versions of what happened that day all from Mom.  The story keeps changing as time goes on.  Perhaps that's to be expected but it still breaks my heart each time she assumes a somber voice and says "I don't know if you've heard yet, but I'm no longer driving."

Curves had been the one, last place she was allowed to drive by herself.  Her one last shred of independence from Alzheimer's.

I wasn't expecting the progression to seem so fast.  I feel like she's slipping away and I can't hold on tight enough.  I continuously feel helpless and don't know what to do.  I want so badly to be there with her, to be able to hold her, to say everything will be all right even though we both know it's a lie.